- Have a “gay orphan” dinner with the people in your hood who don’t go home to family. Get take out. Talk about nothing except gay stuff all afternoon. Send everyone home early and eat the leftovers for breakfast. Do NOT go to the mall.

- Go to a soup kitchen and help feed the homeless. Make it gay by choosing one sponsored by a Fundamentalist church, then be very out. “Hi, I am gay….enjoy your yams!!” Make a great impression. Change the world through gravy.

- Go home to HER family and spend the entire day talking about how wonderful and amazing your partner is. Holidays are a good time to suck up….set a goal…get yourself in their will by New Years.

- Take her to YOUR family. Let her see where it all began. Encourage your family to be totally themselves, so she can see the origin of your neurosis, OCD and mother issues. Stay more than four nights, so she really feels your pain. Go to the mall the next day with everyone.

- Watch the big game with at least one little non-sporty lezzie, so you can explain the game to her. Be patient. Speak slowly. Remember not everyone grew up with sports. Some of us never heard of Brett Farve until a year ago. We are still good people.

- Above all, remember to be thankful for something. This year, I am thankful I didn’t buy any toys from China.

Happy turkey day,
Suzanne